OK, so i don't blog very often, more of a blog-when-i-need-to-let-out-some-emotion user.
BUT as today is a remarkable day for the history of Britain and i felt that i should share a little about what i have been feeling, because quite frankly i am feeling uncharacteristically emotional about the whole thing!
Firstly, don't mistake me for someone who has been preparing for the Royal Wedding for weekends and getting steadily more excited about flag waving and facepainting as the weeks have passed. Not a chance. In fact i was completely and utterly disinterested in the wedding probably BECAUSE of the hype surrounding it. You can't help feeling that things that are built up to such a crescendo will inevitably be a complete let down in the end. I had been invited to various celebrations but due to work commitments this weekend i chose not to venture out and instead opted to watch it at home with my mum, who then decided she was going away instead...so watching alone! lol.
So why the hell are you blogging i hear you ask?? Well, being the nosy person i am..i was in fact quite eager to catch a glimpse of the anticipated dress. I'm not a fashion savvy kind of person, my knowledge of desginers is limited but i do like clothes and having been to a family wedding last weekend, i have come to appreciate just how monumental the wedding dress can be in the biggest day of a girls life.
So i tuned in, albeit NOT at 6am when BBC coverage began, i felt that was a little odd considering the ceremony wasn't kicking off until 11 and the major figures wouldn't be appearing until at least 10am but i guess if there is an audience the BBC are going to capitalize on it!
Plus, why have a bank holiday if you are going to wake up at normal work time?! duh!
But around 9.30am, i switched on and have to say i got quite caught up in the atmosphere almost instantly and continued to watch the entire ceremony.
I can only imagine that the atmosphere in London was electric, as it felt like it was building just watching on TV...waiting to see various Royals emerging from various locations was pretty exciting but the hook for me was still awaiting the dress.
I have to comment first, on William and his total relaxed air. Not exciteable, but quietly confident..and why wouldn't he be...he's got her against a wall really..you can't get jilted at the altar when 2 million people are watching!! Nice to see him and Harry together, easy to see they do have a genuine relationship and i imagine Harry, however irresponsible he has perhaps chosen to be in the past, has been a great support to him throughout the run up to the wedding!
How magnificent was Westminster Abbey looking? Just the right balance of grandeur and simplicity, something which i think represented the couple to a tee! Nothing too over the top, quietly understated, elegant and classy...just like our bride herself some might say!
Then, the moment about half the population had waited for, she emerges cool as cucumber and managed to look effortlessly stunning despite the fact that she was probably the most nervous person in history during that car journey. She styled that fear well, you wouldn't even know! Maybe she wasn't..but considering her normality is something the public have grown to love..you'd like to think she was harboring some 'oh my god i would like to scream or have a panic attack or something right now' moments.
HOW STUNNING WAS THE DRESS!!!!!!! simple to the point of normal but the hints of lace and the perfect shape of the train, the edging on the veil..the accessories..the hair. Sheer perfection. Helped by the fact that of course, our future queen is darn well beautiful and totally unaware of it! That in my book, just increased her perfection even more! Thought the fact that she chose something from the Alexander McQueen line supporting Sarah Burton in carrying on the late McQueen's legacy was quite poignant in itself. History of British fashion represented on such a historical day perfect combo!
She coped very well with the wind blowing the veil in her face too, carrying off even that with perfect ease and grace. Well Done Kate!!
Little bit sad we didn't get a glimpse of the shoes though. shoes are my life and i would have liked to scrutinise hers. Mind you..if Camilla was wearing Jimmy Choo, i'm sure Kates were of a similarly high calibre!
Let's not forget the stunning bridesmaid dress on her sister, Pippa. Totally utterly wonderful and so complimentary of the bride. Couldn't help but wonder if her sister was holding any kind of resentment towards her sister, because she will never be able to top this wedding..and surely that would make you a little pissed off??! But then i suppose looking so hot and being happy for your sister might take the edge off..that and being with Harry for the whole day (let's face it..great consolation prize)
I took to facebook throughout the build up and ceremony as i am not into Twitter, and was enjoying the updates from my fellow facebookers throughout the day. I found myself becoming pretty choked up at more than one point, when she got out the car, as she prepared to walk down the aisle and many other moments. I was suprised at how emotional i was feeling considering my previous disinterest in the whole affair. But luckily i wasn't the only one! Phew!! A friend of mine commented that it was weird, feeling so emotional..as though you 'know them personally' and my response to that, was that maybe that is why people love them so much. They make the Royal family that little bit more approachable and exciting.
The part of the actual ceremony i was most looking forward to, was seeing the look on William's face when he caught his first glimpse of his gorgeous bride. It is always my favourite part of the wedding (and yes it was my favourite before i saw the film 27 dresses in case anyone was wondering) I love the sheer happiness and love conveyed in just one look...
Much to my dismay, he remained resolutely front-facing. The only time i thought i saw him take a peek, none of the cameras were zoomed in enough to get a proper look. (although during the ceremony he did look at her in a way that made me post an 'omg he loves her soooooooo much' FB comment so that sort of compensated. Only just. But seriously..he really does!
My Royal Wedding Coverage was laced with a few wisecracks, the first being the disappointment that there were no songs-of-praise-type wording on the screen during the hymns for us to sing along with. Missed a trick there BBC!
The second, was the opening line.. "dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of god.." (you know he just wanted to add the byline..."and the presence of about a billion people all gawping at the lovely couple..and in particular a dress.."
Notice at the part which people can say they object to the wedding, you normally get a kind of nervous/relieved ripple of laughter once the moment has passed..not in the Abbey!! i bet people stopped breathing just in case! I did wonder how close Mrs Beckham is to birth, imagine interrupting the wedding of the century to go into labour! yikes! Bit gutted Elton and David didn't bring their bambino along either..supposed its quite disruptive to have children at a service. Although come to mention it, the pageboys and bridesmaids did a good job not making involuntary noises like children generally do when they are required to be silent.
The horse and carriage ride, topped of the ceremony, bet it was the best thing ever for all of those loonies who have been camped out for days although i know from the news a lot of them didnt really see much! shame!
The icing on the cake for me, has got to be the balcony. Firstly, i hope they had a little smooch before the public show..once they got indoors and had a little alone time - how annoying must it have been not to be able to kiss the person you love because of all the bloody people watching.
I love the fact that she was totally wowed by the crowds, again a little nod to her normality which i believe she will hang onto and will continue to charm the world for as long as she is in the public eye (hopefully forever!)
The kiss, agree the first one was too short, but loved the sneaky second one and the blushing Prince just upped the 'cute' factor even more. TI also love the photographs that captured the moment, with the little bridesmaid turning to peek with an overwhelming smile on her face, demonstrating how they have spread a whole lot of love and happiness to everyone watching their journey.
You can't comment on the wedding without turning a thought to Princess Diana, and you can't help but think that she would be loving the whole thing. Kate is just the kind of person you would imagine Diana getting along with, the new 'people's princess' i think is a sure thing. Perhaps Kate's similarities to Diana in her persona and the way she carries herself, is in fact something which attracted William in the first place, who knows. It is sad that she isn't here to see what wonderful children she has, and how happy her eldest son is in his life choice, but someone did say that at the point Kate reached the altar and the sun came out...that Diana was shining down her approval for all to see. Which is kind of sweet!
They are so in love, they are so normal (as normal as people so in the public eye can be) and they seem just so, grateful and humble and respectful and i just cannot see how anyone could dislike them, supporters of the Royal family or not. The couple, a breath of fresh air and a modern twist entwined with age old traditions and ceremonies, and such a wonderful balance. The wedding has managed to include the world without making it impersonal. It represented the couple and their characters, without ignoring the need for certain aspects of requirement and the importance of including the British public in celebrating something so extraordinary.
And whatever anyone says, it IS history in the making. He is our future king and seeing him make such a fabulous choice in a life partner is a fantastic way to encourage the people's faith in him in the future. Living through something monumental like that, is not something you can ignore. Brits make British history what it is, and you can't get away from that.
I am proud to admit, i thoroughly enjoyed the wedding, and look forward to following the couple's journey in the future.
Congratulations Will and Kate!!
Friday, 29 April 2011
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Am i getting old or what?!
ok, its WINTER right? I am not mistaken when i look out of the window and see SNOW..sleet, rain and general SHITE weather..? I'm not imagining up the cold-to-the-core temperatures my body seems to be experiencing? No?
The can someone PLEASE explain to me WHY there are still people wandering about in NEXT to NOTHING on their bodies?
Example 1: today on the bus, young girl gets on in tiny tiny tiny tiny skirt made of thin stretchy material..ok so the consolation is, she IS wearing tights..but not thick practical WARM tights..no no practically transparent sheer tights about 5 denier..but hey its OKAY she also had her amazing thigh high boots on...the feet soaked to the point where the suede has change colour and looks decidedly squelchy, but its ok cuz she looks stylish.
Top half slightly more sensible..a coat at least..but once again of MINIMAL proportions..with a think hoody underneath, at least it has a HOOD albeit now a soggy snow sodden hood . but WAIT for it.. she gets on the bus..sits next to an old lady and says loudly.. "omg its so cold today isn't it!" WTF! i was not the only person who clearly hid the laughter at her expense at this point..many people looked away, exchanged glances or 'coughed' obviously!
I mean, ok this girl was clearly a mini-brat..i overheard her talking to what was clearly either a bank or a shop about a transaction on her credit card (bear in mind she looked about 16) and how it was her father's credit card to which she has an allowance...then removes her skullcandy headphones and i-phone from her designer bag and taps her talons on the seat in front.
So ok i think to myself..she is just an image-obsessed wannabe and everyone else will be rugged up for the weather..it isn't just me acting middle aged..?!
NO, walking around town..two teenage boys in T-SHIRTS..with a scarf, gloves and a cap.. i mean.. scarf..gloves..how about SLEEVES morons.
Better still, 2 girls about 14/15 clearly trying to impress the boys they were with.. wearing leggings and tunic tops with 3/4 sleeves and literally shivering..one of the boys turns around and goes..no you can't borrow my coat its fucking freezing put some more clothes on next time.. HAHAHAHAHAHA i actually laughed out loud and the girls looked horrified and flounced off and the boys just walked off the opposite way HAHAHAHA again!
The can someone PLEASE explain to me WHY there are still people wandering about in NEXT to NOTHING on their bodies?
Example 1: today on the bus, young girl gets on in tiny tiny tiny tiny skirt made of thin stretchy material..ok so the consolation is, she IS wearing tights..but not thick practical WARM tights..no no practically transparent sheer tights about 5 denier..but hey its OKAY she also had her amazing thigh high boots on...the feet soaked to the point where the suede has change colour and looks decidedly squelchy, but its ok cuz she looks stylish.
Top half slightly more sensible..a coat at least..but once again of MINIMAL proportions..with a think hoody underneath, at least it has a HOOD albeit now a soggy snow sodden hood . but WAIT for it.. she gets on the bus..sits next to an old lady and says loudly.. "omg its so cold today isn't it!" WTF! i was not the only person who clearly hid the laughter at her expense at this point..many people looked away, exchanged glances or 'coughed' obviously!
I mean, ok this girl was clearly a mini-brat..i overheard her talking to what was clearly either a bank or a shop about a transaction on her credit card (bear in mind she looked about 16) and how it was her father's credit card to which she has an allowance...then removes her skullcandy headphones and i-phone from her designer bag and taps her talons on the seat in front.
So ok i think to myself..she is just an image-obsessed wannabe and everyone else will be rugged up for the weather..it isn't just me acting middle aged..?!
NO, walking around town..two teenage boys in T-SHIRTS..with a scarf, gloves and a cap.. i mean.. scarf..gloves..how about SLEEVES morons.
Better still, 2 girls about 14/15 clearly trying to impress the boys they were with.. wearing leggings and tunic tops with 3/4 sleeves and literally shivering..one of the boys turns around and goes..no you can't borrow my coat its fucking freezing put some more clothes on next time.. HAHAHAHAHAHA i actually laughed out loud and the girls looked horrified and flounced off and the boys just walked off the opposite way HAHAHAHA again!
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Elbows out, coats across 5 seats, 3 cameras+ spare batteries just in case, TUT loudly, wave erratically for considerable amounts of time..where am i??
YES PEOPLE...ITS THE SCHOOL CHRISTMAS PLAY!!!!
So as i am not a parent, i am not obliged to join the scrum of camera wielding parents squashed into the school hall jostling for seating or trying to edge that coat along which is being used to reserve about 15 seats at once.. yes a coat of GIANT proportions naturally... but as i am currently a nanny and for my 5 year old cousin..i felt that her "please could you come and watch me the day that mummy and daddy aren't there so i have someone to wave to?" justified a need to bravely enter the fray and wave my camera alongside the haggard looking mothers and the bored-looking dad's.
Of course, because i NEVER do things by halves i also volunteered to help prepare the children in her class by helping them get into their costumes...it does astound me how long it takes a child to remove a shoe..and how easy it is to speed things up with a little 'dressing race' every child has a competitive nature..fuck all this taking part crap..in it to win it..that's my motto..(and it worked because my group were dressed, sat with their uniforms safely stowed in their bags FIRST..win!)
So i got to the hall, i managed to find ONE empty seat, i deserve a medal. And then i had great fun watching alll the parents leaning around each other holding their cameras above their head, scaling apparatus to try and get that 'perfect shot position'..all before the kids have even entered the hall.
Two elderly blokes shared my row...they sat and tutted like there was no tomorrow at the little cluster of mums stood at the partition in the middle of the hall clearly imposing their panoramic view of the stage..taking no notice of the tutting harrumping men behind them but rising to a hysterical level of pride and practising their zoom action.
The kids come in and the play begins..naturally you have the evidently over-confident know-it-all children doing all the speaking parts..and you hate to admit it but they are actually pretty good at delivering the funny lines..damn those little smart-arses...(of course i was one when i was at school!duh!) Then everyone else does their bit..usually some singing..with that token child who SHOUTS the end of each line so they can be heard abve their classmates..which is then repeated after every line when it encourages a laugh from the audience EVERY time.
And the dancing is by far the best.. you have one or two who stick resolutely to the routine..heads out to the front either a smile of sheer smugness on their face or a look of clear determination to get the moves right and stay in time with the music.. then you have the over-excitables which is made up by about 50% of the class.. they do the moves erratically whilst constantly jiigging around, jumping up and down..stopping to wave intermittantly at various family members in the audience.
You always have your token shy kids who watch the teacher for cues and look at their feet or their friends most of the time..but actually you can be pretty sure they are probably the most accurate at the dance..its just that not many people watch them for long..its kinda boring! much funnier the kid on the end dancing facing the back and wiggling his bum for England.
I have to say, of course my cousin was thoroughly entertaining but i did manage to watch some of the other children too, unlike most parents who fixate on their child's wonderfullness alone.
The thing that PISSED ME OFF was that my already limited view of the stage was constantly disturbed by people jumping up to get photos with no regard for those behind..there were some considerate people who stood at the back with their cameras so as not to disturb anyones view..bet they were pissed off to have some pushy grandma's head in every shot by the end of the play. The other annoying thing was the people who thought they were being discreet by 'ducking' and running down the middle aisle to get a photo from the front of the audience.. yes we can hear your fucking high heels and bending your head down does not mean you are not in my way..IDIOT!
The other thing that i ALWAYS end up watching at a school play is those parents in the audience who have been stupid enough to bring younger siblings to watch. this being an infant play..inevitably all these atendees are under 3..not the best audience for a long play with lots of walking on and off and songs that dont relate to cbeebies. FAIL! The parents try in vain to get them interested..ooh look there's your big sister.. YEAH sibling has waved once already..its BORING NOW i want to run around..rip up the programme...scream at the top of my voice and generally take the attention from my older sibling...its what little brothers and sisters DO! The funniest are the ones that resort to bribery, usually food..because you can bet it will run out before the end and the child will be on some kind of junk-food high and be even harder to control...inevitably at the moment you need to get that perfect shot of your older child in their stage debut! HAHA suckers... (there are one or two sensible ones that brought Grandma along to mind the toddler..but that as we all know is pretty pointless..grnadma's have very little control outside their own homes where they can spoil the child)
The other 'one's to watch' are the teachers.. you have got the over-enthusiastic ones who have clearly organised the play who know all the words and the running order without their sheet of paper in front of them and they kneel somewhere near the stage giving frequent thumbs up and nodding like a nodding dog on a bumpy road..always the first to lead the singing and can always be heard over the children.
then you have your reluctant teachers who have been made to do stuff on stage..they are clearly mortified but try and style it out..or they are positioned around the stage but reply heavily on their sheet of paper to avoid eye contact with anyone who may want to mock them.. (i personally feel its gotta be a fun part of teaching..chuck em all in a costume and teach them a funny song and dance..hardly much planning needed for that!?)
Naturally you also get the rude parents who make it OBVIOUS they only came to see their own child..by standing up once they are finished and leaving. I mean..yes ok it was a long play and stuff and we did all only go to see our respective child..but lets not destroy the hopes and dreams of the little people by standing up and doing one when the little girl is doing a solo song or the little boy is remembering all his words..HARSH! (and it was those bastards who jostled for the front 2 rows..why not stant at the BACK and slip away quietly..MUGS)
so..a huge dollop of festive cheer, a sprinkle of arrogant children, a handful of cheesy songs with shouty child garnish, an abundance of pushy parents and a partridge in a pear tree.
Perfect Christmas plat recipie...
So as i am not a parent, i am not obliged to join the scrum of camera wielding parents squashed into the school hall jostling for seating or trying to edge that coat along which is being used to reserve about 15 seats at once.. yes a coat of GIANT proportions naturally... but as i am currently a nanny and for my 5 year old cousin..i felt that her "please could you come and watch me the day that mummy and daddy aren't there so i have someone to wave to?" justified a need to bravely enter the fray and wave my camera alongside the haggard looking mothers and the bored-looking dad's.
Of course, because i NEVER do things by halves i also volunteered to help prepare the children in her class by helping them get into their costumes...it does astound me how long it takes a child to remove a shoe..and how easy it is to speed things up with a little 'dressing race' every child has a competitive nature..fuck all this taking part crap..in it to win it..that's my motto..(and it worked because my group were dressed, sat with their uniforms safely stowed in their bags FIRST..win!)
So i got to the hall, i managed to find ONE empty seat, i deserve a medal. And then i had great fun watching alll the parents leaning around each other holding their cameras above their head, scaling apparatus to try and get that 'perfect shot position'..all before the kids have even entered the hall.
Two elderly blokes shared my row...they sat and tutted like there was no tomorrow at the little cluster of mums stood at the partition in the middle of the hall clearly imposing their panoramic view of the stage..taking no notice of the tutting harrumping men behind them but rising to a hysterical level of pride and practising their zoom action.
The kids come in and the play begins..naturally you have the evidently over-confident know-it-all children doing all the speaking parts..and you hate to admit it but they are actually pretty good at delivering the funny lines..damn those little smart-arses...(of course i was one when i was at school!duh!) Then everyone else does their bit..usually some singing..with that token child who SHOUTS the end of each line so they can be heard abve their classmates..which is then repeated after every line when it encourages a laugh from the audience EVERY time.
And the dancing is by far the best.. you have one or two who stick resolutely to the routine..heads out to the front either a smile of sheer smugness on their face or a look of clear determination to get the moves right and stay in time with the music.. then you have the over-excitables which is made up by about 50% of the class.. they do the moves erratically whilst constantly jiigging around, jumping up and down..stopping to wave intermittantly at various family members in the audience.
You always have your token shy kids who watch the teacher for cues and look at their feet or their friends most of the time..but actually you can be pretty sure they are probably the most accurate at the dance..its just that not many people watch them for long..its kinda boring! much funnier the kid on the end dancing facing the back and wiggling his bum for England.
I have to say, of course my cousin was thoroughly entertaining but i did manage to watch some of the other children too, unlike most parents who fixate on their child's wonderfullness alone.
The thing that PISSED ME OFF was that my already limited view of the stage was constantly disturbed by people jumping up to get photos with no regard for those behind..there were some considerate people who stood at the back with their cameras so as not to disturb anyones view..bet they were pissed off to have some pushy grandma's head in every shot by the end of the play. The other annoying thing was the people who thought they were being discreet by 'ducking' and running down the middle aisle to get a photo from the front of the audience.. yes we can hear your fucking high heels and bending your head down does not mean you are not in my way..IDIOT!
The other thing that i ALWAYS end up watching at a school play is those parents in the audience who have been stupid enough to bring younger siblings to watch. this being an infant play..inevitably all these atendees are under 3..not the best audience for a long play with lots of walking on and off and songs that dont relate to cbeebies. FAIL! The parents try in vain to get them interested..ooh look there's your big sister.. YEAH sibling has waved once already..its BORING NOW i want to run around..rip up the programme...scream at the top of my voice and generally take the attention from my older sibling...its what little brothers and sisters DO! The funniest are the ones that resort to bribery, usually food..because you can bet it will run out before the end and the child will be on some kind of junk-food high and be even harder to control...inevitably at the moment you need to get that perfect shot of your older child in their stage debut! HAHA suckers... (there are one or two sensible ones that brought Grandma along to mind the toddler..but that as we all know is pretty pointless..grnadma's have very little control outside their own homes where they can spoil the child)
The other 'one's to watch' are the teachers.. you have got the over-enthusiastic ones who have clearly organised the play who know all the words and the running order without their sheet of paper in front of them and they kneel somewhere near the stage giving frequent thumbs up and nodding like a nodding dog on a bumpy road..always the first to lead the singing and can always be heard over the children.
then you have your reluctant teachers who have been made to do stuff on stage..they are clearly mortified but try and style it out..or they are positioned around the stage but reply heavily on their sheet of paper to avoid eye contact with anyone who may want to mock them.. (i personally feel its gotta be a fun part of teaching..chuck em all in a costume and teach them a funny song and dance..hardly much planning needed for that!?)
Naturally you also get the rude parents who make it OBVIOUS they only came to see their own child..by standing up once they are finished and leaving. I mean..yes ok it was a long play and stuff and we did all only go to see our respective child..but lets not destroy the hopes and dreams of the little people by standing up and doing one when the little girl is doing a solo song or the little boy is remembering all his words..HARSH! (and it was those bastards who jostled for the front 2 rows..why not stant at the BACK and slip away quietly..MUGS)
so..a huge dollop of festive cheer, a sprinkle of arrogant children, a handful of cheesy songs with shouty child garnish, an abundance of pushy parents and a partridge in a pear tree.
Perfect Christmas plat recipie...
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
a blast from the past...
i found this in my inbox yesterday while i was having a clearout..i wondered why i had something so old in my emails but after reading it i remembered why i kept it! How innocent and carefree i was in those days..but i liked what i was writing!! So i decided to post it on here with a bit of a running commentary on what i was thinking at the time and what i think of it now..
....................................................................................
First things first, congratulations to everyone for making it this far.....only a few more weeks to go until adolescence is officially over and we have to shed those skins but come on people we can get through it - we've made it this far!
A-levels were just about over at this point, you know when you get that total down period where everyone is totally frazzled and trying to summon the energy for the last few exams before the deliciousness of freedom..? I was there and i was trying to inject some enthusiasm into the people who were members of our website...
It is like the end of an era....sad yes but hey we all get to begin new chapters in the autumn and how fantastic will that be. This is it...no one is there to tell you what to do. The choices are all left up to us. The next generation stepping out into the big wide world...this is the time where we make choices that affect our whole lives!!
Again, trying to ease the complete and utter fear that was gripping myself and im pretty sure a few others about leaving the comfort blanket of 7 years at the same school and moving away to go to uni..trying to put a positive spin on the whole growing up thing that i think most of us were more reluctant to accept than we'd care to admit at the time..everyone liked to pretend they were well ready to go to uni and live it up when evidently most people were shitting it!
Life is just one big chaotic mess of people, all trying to get to somewhere in the world. And there is so much in the world that we have no idea about, so now is our chance to go an experience it for ourselves instead of just reading about it or watching it on the TV.
At least i was awknowledging that we did live our lives based a lot on teenage dramas and television..how much real life experience can you actually get from school, part time jobs and exams? Aside from the self-discovery in terms of getting smashed and throwing up, forming your real friendships and maybe the odd 'serious' relationship...but still i think too immature to really appreciate most of it or understand ANY of it.
We have had 7 years at Terry - some have had less but still feels the same, and its too late to dwell on what you didn't do or say or who you didn't get to know as well as you wanted to....so lets stop worrying about all of those things and concentrate on all the good times and the happy memories that we will never forget. 'School days are the best days of your life'....cliché! But I can kinda see where that comes from. Ok so it’s not true for everyone but you can't say school hasn't shaped you and your life, bought new people and new interests into your life and given you life changing advice or experiences.
Personally I have loved it, yes there have been bad days, bad weeks, even bad months but that isn’t exclusive to school...you are bound to have bad spells no matter where you are or what you are doing-that’s life after all!
Always look on the briight side of life..seriously how happy was i trying to make everyone! But serioously..at the time i really did feel like i had had some of the worst times of my life. People can be so NASTY at school. Playground arguments and bitching and side-taking..and i honestly thought it was confined to school..pah try going to uni..its WORSE..!I had my fair share of enemies thats for sure, but then i can't go around being liked by everyone..even though i once thought i needed to be liked and get along with everyone..but where is the fun in that?! i had and still have a wonderful close group of friends and they have stuck with me through thick and thin..and people hating me hasnt destroyed me as i once probably thought it would..seriously why do we put all this PRESSURE on ourselves to try and get along with everyone? I mean..i still did it at uni..meandered along and hung out with people i wasn't even sure i liked just in case i rejected someone who could have turned out to be my best friend..but no..i can trust my judgement most of the time..
Being in Rosies on Thursday night was amazing, to think that almost an entire year could happily be in the same place all together enjoying our last proper few hours together kind of sums up how much people have grown up and how much i think everyone values the time we have had. Even if you don't particularly like someone...you can't deny its going to be weird not seeing the same faces everyday...a relief perhaps but still strange.
UUGH ROSIES..the club of choice between 16 and 18...by the time i was legally allowed to be in there i was so over the sticky floors and scummy toilets. But i still carried on going for a while..WHY!? Also..i was bullshitting about it being weird not seeing the same faces..i was FUCKING ECSTATIC that i wouldn't have to look at some of those people again..and unluckily i still DO because every so often people still go out in sutton..although not Rosies now..
Its amazing to look at the way friends have grown apart, or grown together and how all the groups have changed, but its almost better in that way because it makes so many more memories and more to the point gives everyone a unique collection of laughs, tears, fights, loves, stupid moments and happiness.
Anyone who knows me, knows how big i am on memories and their creation..and PHOTOS! whether good or bad they are all memories that provoke emotions and teach you something about yourself and those you surround yourself with..it makes me ME..and i like who i am right now so its ALL good.
Go out and meet new people... at work, at uni, at college...don’t forget any of the old crew but you can never have too many friends...no matter where you go and what you do or who you know, life is never going to get any easier, there will always be challenges, you are always going to have enemies, friends people you love, people u want to kill. But it’s all those people that get you where you want to go. Everyone you meet in life, including teachers and parents, will teach you something new or make you understand something you already thought you knew. But everything will affect the way you live your life afterwards and help you to become a better person. You can only learn from your own experiences but use other people to guide you in the right direction.
TRUE..but i thnk everyone who went to uni found it hard not to forget about people from home, maybe not indefinatelly forgetting about them, maybe just not thinking of them as often as you maybe should have. Personally i am very lucky because i met some amazing people at uni whom i still contact as regularly as my lifestyle allows which has taken effort but hasnt FELT like so much of an effort, but also i have still got my school 'group' even though we don't see each other as often as we used to..and sometimes its only one or two of us instead of the 9..but its KNOWING they are there..if i need them they will be there..thats true friendship! We drifted of course..and we have all changed..but somehow have managed to retain elements of what we had at school and connect the jigsaw of a brand new picture. Not saying it will be like that forever but i'd like to think for a good few years longer yet.
Anyone who finds their way into your heart at sometime is bound to make a lasting impression and hey.i don’t deny that. But some things just aren’t meant to be and some people are better without each other...to get where you want to go sometimes you have to get rid of the people that are holding you back or changing you from the person you are supposed to be. That can be really hard to admit but if people really love you they will let you go. If it’s meant to be you will find your way back to those people one day! When you are older and mature enough to deal with them
Having since then, broken off a 3 year relationship and another 2 year one..i agree..anyone who makes a mark on your heart changes your life..for better for worse..but change is good..moving forward not back..and people do change you if they touch your heart..because emotion makes everyone different. You feel different emotions for different kinds of people and that changes the way you feel about yourself and the way you want to act..but you will always find yourself inside there somewhere..and if you don't recognise yourself for a moment because of someone or something else..then just take some time to find you again..i guarantee it's in there just having a breather!
BUT not everyone who touches your heart is someone you love as a partner..one or two people i met at uni have touched me to the core..without realising it, i suppose i didn't even realise it until now when i'm thinking about it. But meeting someone..thrown together in random situations in halls or lectures...or both!..and then finding they understand you almost better than you understand yourself..telling them even the stupidest things you might sensor with other people, laughing at nothing, showing your raw and honest emotions and being able to do the same for them even when you live miles apart..doing stupid activities because you know they will laugh with you and not at you, being there for the good and the bad...and finding all that in someone you meet at like 19/20..its a very very very special thing! you know who you are!?
I just want to say that we can all be or do whatever we want to do. Everyone strives to be successful...the world is full of people who just want to make a difference in the world...whether it be a difference to themselves, their friends, closed communities or even the whole world. Everyone has ambition somewhere inside them and some people are able to act on this ambition more easily than others. But that doesn’t mean that they are the best people for the job...they just have the guts to go out and try. And shouldn’t everyone get the chance to really shine...I think that everyone deserves their own shot at success and happiness and we should all help each other along the way. We all have the freedom of speech. Freedom to say and think what we want. So get your voice heard!
not as easy as i was making out..success is measured on so many different levels and to some degree i suppose i have been successful..stil a hell of a way to go though!
Nothing is impossible…I have a few friends who have shown me that, through utter strength, and have really made it through some difficult stuff but are blatantly going to be amazingly successful in the not so distant future.
Still true, i was right..and now i have more friends who inspire me and make me happy!
So yeah, don’t really know what else to say…except work hard…you have the whole summer to play even harder but it’s now that matters if you ever want to fulfil everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing! So stash that cash and those bottles or cans and wait for results day when we can all really celebrate!!
Haha get me going all responsible..yeah right we all drank into oblivion!
....................................................................................
First things first, congratulations to everyone for making it this far.....only a few more weeks to go until adolescence is officially over and we have to shed those skins but come on people we can get through it - we've made it this far!
A-levels were just about over at this point, you know when you get that total down period where everyone is totally frazzled and trying to summon the energy for the last few exams before the deliciousness of freedom..? I was there and i was trying to inject some enthusiasm into the people who were members of our website...
It is like the end of an era....sad yes but hey we all get to begin new chapters in the autumn and how fantastic will that be. This is it...no one is there to tell you what to do. The choices are all left up to us. The next generation stepping out into the big wide world...this is the time where we make choices that affect our whole lives!!
Again, trying to ease the complete and utter fear that was gripping myself and im pretty sure a few others about leaving the comfort blanket of 7 years at the same school and moving away to go to uni..trying to put a positive spin on the whole growing up thing that i think most of us were more reluctant to accept than we'd care to admit at the time..everyone liked to pretend they were well ready to go to uni and live it up when evidently most people were shitting it!
Life is just one big chaotic mess of people, all trying to get to somewhere in the world. And there is so much in the world that we have no idea about, so now is our chance to go an experience it for ourselves instead of just reading about it or watching it on the TV.
At least i was awknowledging that we did live our lives based a lot on teenage dramas and television..how much real life experience can you actually get from school, part time jobs and exams? Aside from the self-discovery in terms of getting smashed and throwing up, forming your real friendships and maybe the odd 'serious' relationship...but still i think too immature to really appreciate most of it or understand ANY of it.
We have had 7 years at Terry - some have had less but still feels the same, and its too late to dwell on what you didn't do or say or who you didn't get to know as well as you wanted to....so lets stop worrying about all of those things and concentrate on all the good times and the happy memories that we will never forget. 'School days are the best days of your life'....cliché! But I can kinda see where that comes from. Ok so it’s not true for everyone but you can't say school hasn't shaped you and your life, bought new people and new interests into your life and given you life changing advice or experiences.
Personally I have loved it, yes there have been bad days, bad weeks, even bad months but that isn’t exclusive to school...you are bound to have bad spells no matter where you are or what you are doing-that’s life after all!
Always look on the briight side of life..seriously how happy was i trying to make everyone! But serioously..at the time i really did feel like i had had some of the worst times of my life. People can be so NASTY at school. Playground arguments and bitching and side-taking..and i honestly thought it was confined to school..pah try going to uni..its WORSE..!I had my fair share of enemies thats for sure, but then i can't go around being liked by everyone..even though i once thought i needed to be liked and get along with everyone..but where is the fun in that?! i had and still have a wonderful close group of friends and they have stuck with me through thick and thin..and people hating me hasnt destroyed me as i once probably thought it would..seriously why do we put all this PRESSURE on ourselves to try and get along with everyone? I mean..i still did it at uni..meandered along and hung out with people i wasn't even sure i liked just in case i rejected someone who could have turned out to be my best friend..but no..i can trust my judgement most of the time..
Being in Rosies on Thursday night was amazing, to think that almost an entire year could happily be in the same place all together enjoying our last proper few hours together kind of sums up how much people have grown up and how much i think everyone values the time we have had. Even if you don't particularly like someone...you can't deny its going to be weird not seeing the same faces everyday...a relief perhaps but still strange.
UUGH ROSIES..the club of choice between 16 and 18...by the time i was legally allowed to be in there i was so over the sticky floors and scummy toilets. But i still carried on going for a while..WHY!? Also..i was bullshitting about it being weird not seeing the same faces..i was FUCKING ECSTATIC that i wouldn't have to look at some of those people again..and unluckily i still DO because every so often people still go out in sutton..although not Rosies now..
Its amazing to look at the way friends have grown apart, or grown together and how all the groups have changed, but its almost better in that way because it makes so many more memories and more to the point gives everyone a unique collection of laughs, tears, fights, loves, stupid moments and happiness.
Anyone who knows me, knows how big i am on memories and their creation..and PHOTOS! whether good or bad they are all memories that provoke emotions and teach you something about yourself and those you surround yourself with..it makes me ME..and i like who i am right now so its ALL good.
Go out and meet new people... at work, at uni, at college...don’t forget any of the old crew but you can never have too many friends...no matter where you go and what you do or who you know, life is never going to get any easier, there will always be challenges, you are always going to have enemies, friends people you love, people u want to kill. But it’s all those people that get you where you want to go. Everyone you meet in life, including teachers and parents, will teach you something new or make you understand something you already thought you knew. But everything will affect the way you live your life afterwards and help you to become a better person. You can only learn from your own experiences but use other people to guide you in the right direction.
TRUE..but i thnk everyone who went to uni found it hard not to forget about people from home, maybe not indefinatelly forgetting about them, maybe just not thinking of them as often as you maybe should have. Personally i am very lucky because i met some amazing people at uni whom i still contact as regularly as my lifestyle allows which has taken effort but hasnt FELT like so much of an effort, but also i have still got my school 'group' even though we don't see each other as often as we used to..and sometimes its only one or two of us instead of the 9..but its KNOWING they are there..if i need them they will be there..thats true friendship! We drifted of course..and we have all changed..but somehow have managed to retain elements of what we had at school and connect the jigsaw of a brand new picture. Not saying it will be like that forever but i'd like to think for a good few years longer yet.
Anyone who finds their way into your heart at sometime is bound to make a lasting impression and hey.i don’t deny that. But some things just aren’t meant to be and some people are better without each other...to get where you want to go sometimes you have to get rid of the people that are holding you back or changing you from the person you are supposed to be. That can be really hard to admit but if people really love you they will let you go. If it’s meant to be you will find your way back to those people one day! When you are older and mature enough to deal with them
Having since then, broken off a 3 year relationship and another 2 year one..i agree..anyone who makes a mark on your heart changes your life..for better for worse..but change is good..moving forward not back..and people do change you if they touch your heart..because emotion makes everyone different. You feel different emotions for different kinds of people and that changes the way you feel about yourself and the way you want to act..but you will always find yourself inside there somewhere..and if you don't recognise yourself for a moment because of someone or something else..then just take some time to find you again..i guarantee it's in there just having a breather!
BUT not everyone who touches your heart is someone you love as a partner..one or two people i met at uni have touched me to the core..without realising it, i suppose i didn't even realise it until now when i'm thinking about it. But meeting someone..thrown together in random situations in halls or lectures...or both!..and then finding they understand you almost better than you understand yourself..telling them even the stupidest things you might sensor with other people, laughing at nothing, showing your raw and honest emotions and being able to do the same for them even when you live miles apart..doing stupid activities because you know they will laugh with you and not at you, being there for the good and the bad...and finding all that in someone you meet at like 19/20..its a very very very special thing! you know who you are!?
I just want to say that we can all be or do whatever we want to do. Everyone strives to be successful...the world is full of people who just want to make a difference in the world...whether it be a difference to themselves, their friends, closed communities or even the whole world. Everyone has ambition somewhere inside them and some people are able to act on this ambition more easily than others. But that doesn’t mean that they are the best people for the job...they just have the guts to go out and try. And shouldn’t everyone get the chance to really shine...I think that everyone deserves their own shot at success and happiness and we should all help each other along the way. We all have the freedom of speech. Freedom to say and think what we want. So get your voice heard!
not as easy as i was making out..success is measured on so many different levels and to some degree i suppose i have been successful..stil a hell of a way to go though!
Nothing is impossible…I have a few friends who have shown me that, through utter strength, and have really made it through some difficult stuff but are blatantly going to be amazingly successful in the not so distant future.
Still true, i was right..and now i have more friends who inspire me and make me happy!
So yeah, don’t really know what else to say…except work hard…you have the whole summer to play even harder but it’s now that matters if you ever want to fulfil everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing! So stash that cash and those bottles or cans and wait for results day when we can all really celebrate!!
Haha get me going all responsible..yeah right we all drank into oblivion!
Calling all wierdo's!
Seriously..i am coming to terms with the fact that i literally am a human magnet for the world's misfits, wierdos and general odd-bods. Wherever i am, whatever i am doing something will occur and some random person, man or woman, young or old it doesn't really matter...they single me out approach and go out of their way to make me feel as uncomfortable as they possibly can!
So let me elaborate..
Last week for example..and let us bear in mind all this happened in ONE day:
On the bus back from taking my little charge swimming, she is fast asleep and a dead weight in my arms and the bus is RAMMED.. i have a fat pervy old guy rubbing himself against me..i have a woman holding the bar OVER the top of my hand..even though the WHOLE bar is free from all other hands..and yet she feels the need to clasp my hand..maybe she thought i was going to fall..i dunno.
So then some businessman stands there and yells at all the people sitting down that they should be ashamed of themselves not giving the lady with a sleeping child a seat.. (don't get me wrong i was totally grateful for the seat..) just not the entire bus turning to have a look at me clearly thinking how pathetic i must be not to just ask for a seat myself (truthfully i was afraid if i moved an INCH the big pervy man would enjoy it too much)
Later on..the bus on the way to the train station...this old man was chatting to me about his WALKING stick and how good it was..top of the range don't you know! I also overheard some young people (not sure how old) discussing one of the girls' relationship and how she basically beats her boyfriend up if he stays out any longer than agreed and how she hit him over the head with a chair and scribbled on all his trainers in permanent marker pen...(she did look a bit chavvy and was wearing a fur coat..but i couldn't help thinking she was talking a load of shit basically.
On the tube..again squished into oblivion as u often are on the tube..i was stuck between a couple..holding hands around me and discussing science ficton and how it could be reality if you apply it to certain specific situations..yes FOR REAL.
On the way HOME. some european greasy guy kept leaning over towards me to LISTEN TO MY IPOD and telling me my songs were good.. Like FULL ON i had my headphones in..PERSONAL SPACE..yak!
Bus journey...i get squished onto the bus and end up standing next to a pushchair loaded with bags.. at which point an old lady with about 4 coats and 7 scarves and 3 hats etc shouts at me not to touch her bags.. oh yes a BAG LADY.
here follows our charming exchane of words..
BAG LADY: Dont touch my bags
Me: i'm not touching them, im just standing here
BAG LADY: move away from them, i know you youths..can't trust you (umm do i look like a chavvy teenage youth yob?)
me: i can't move there is no where else to stand
BAG LADY: come here then
me: umm no
BAG LADY: swap with me, i don't want you touching my things.
me: ok
i was petrified she would impale me with her umbrella or run me down with her pushchair..(nice deviation from the normal bag-person trolley accessory i thought though)
The following day Asda.. a spotty little Asian checkout guy..chatting me up. Even though i was hostile, didn't make eye contact and was buying amongst other things lady bits most guys would be eager to just get through the checkout...he still managed to find out my age, where i went to uni and where i was spending christmas, that id been on a gap year and spent last xmas in australia. I dont remember giving him any of that information..and yet i must just subconsciously respond politely to people..
Anyway i eventually managed to escape when he asked me where i lived because the little old dear behind me said " im sure she just wants to buy her lady bits without you asking her for her life story love" which made him go a bit red and then he said "i hope to see you in here again soon" i mean WTF..
Like yes, this happened in the same week..but this is just one of many weeks where i have had these kind of encounters...it has been happening for quite some time..i decided i would voice my opinions a little more directly.
One of my dear friends said clearly the wierdo's are attracted to my own obvious wierdness..which of course could quite well be true.
i HAVE concluded however, that it is quite entertaining to eavesdrop on public transport as some of the conversations are pretty amusing,, there will deffo be more installments based on that! I have also decided it is not limited to the London area-wierdos like me wherever i am..hmm what does that say about me?!
So let me elaborate..
Last week for example..and let us bear in mind all this happened in ONE day:
On the bus back from taking my little charge swimming, she is fast asleep and a dead weight in my arms and the bus is RAMMED.. i have a fat pervy old guy rubbing himself against me..i have a woman holding the bar OVER the top of my hand..even though the WHOLE bar is free from all other hands..and yet she feels the need to clasp my hand..maybe she thought i was going to fall..i dunno.
So then some businessman stands there and yells at all the people sitting down that they should be ashamed of themselves not giving the lady with a sleeping child a seat.. (don't get me wrong i was totally grateful for the seat..) just not the entire bus turning to have a look at me clearly thinking how pathetic i must be not to just ask for a seat myself (truthfully i was afraid if i moved an INCH the big pervy man would enjoy it too much)
Later on..the bus on the way to the train station...this old man was chatting to me about his WALKING stick and how good it was..top of the range don't you know! I also overheard some young people (not sure how old) discussing one of the girls' relationship and how she basically beats her boyfriend up if he stays out any longer than agreed and how she hit him over the head with a chair and scribbled on all his trainers in permanent marker pen...(she did look a bit chavvy and was wearing a fur coat..but i couldn't help thinking she was talking a load of shit basically.
On the tube..again squished into oblivion as u often are on the tube..i was stuck between a couple..holding hands around me and discussing science ficton and how it could be reality if you apply it to certain specific situations..yes FOR REAL.
On the way HOME. some european greasy guy kept leaning over towards me to LISTEN TO MY IPOD and telling me my songs were good.. Like FULL ON i had my headphones in..PERSONAL SPACE..yak!
Bus journey...i get squished onto the bus and end up standing next to a pushchair loaded with bags.. at which point an old lady with about 4 coats and 7 scarves and 3 hats etc shouts at me not to touch her bags.. oh yes a BAG LADY.
here follows our charming exchane of words..
BAG LADY: Dont touch my bags
Me: i'm not touching them, im just standing here
BAG LADY: move away from them, i know you youths..can't trust you (umm do i look like a chavvy teenage youth yob?)
me: i can't move there is no where else to stand
BAG LADY: come here then
me: umm no
BAG LADY: swap with me, i don't want you touching my things.
me: ok
i was petrified she would impale me with her umbrella or run me down with her pushchair..(nice deviation from the normal bag-person trolley accessory i thought though)
The following day Asda.. a spotty little Asian checkout guy..chatting me up. Even though i was hostile, didn't make eye contact and was buying amongst other things lady bits most guys would be eager to just get through the checkout...he still managed to find out my age, where i went to uni and where i was spending christmas, that id been on a gap year and spent last xmas in australia. I dont remember giving him any of that information..and yet i must just subconsciously respond politely to people..
Anyway i eventually managed to escape when he asked me where i lived because the little old dear behind me said " im sure she just wants to buy her lady bits without you asking her for her life story love" which made him go a bit red and then he said "i hope to see you in here again soon" i mean WTF..
Like yes, this happened in the same week..but this is just one of many weeks where i have had these kind of encounters...it has been happening for quite some time..i decided i would voice my opinions a little more directly.
One of my dear friends said clearly the wierdo's are attracted to my own obvious wierdness..which of course could quite well be true.
i HAVE concluded however, that it is quite entertaining to eavesdrop on public transport as some of the conversations are pretty amusing,, there will deffo be more installments based on that! I have also decided it is not limited to the London area-wierdos like me wherever i am..hmm what does that say about me?!
Sunday, 15 November 2009
GAP YEARS...lame lame lame or do it again?
So i went on my gap year last September and i got back this August...11months in total.
I have wanted to travel since i started 6th form, i always knew i would go eventually. I decided to get through Uni and everything first because i knew if i took a gap year before i would have struggled to focus on studying for 3 years. I am very glad i made that decision now...
Since i have got back, instead of settling that part of me that was restless..i have ignited the travel bug! I am desperate to go again...having met so many people who have recommended places to see i am dying to experience more!
The problem?? Well naturally the thing that prevents us doing whatever we want £££ and my lack of it! That and at SOME point i am going to have to think about starting a proper career and settling down and doin g something REALISTIC. I know i could go off and be a travel guide for some tour company if i really wanted to go off and see the world..but i want the best of both worlds..to live around my home comforts, family and friends and then travel for a few months here and there..rather than permanently be away from home!
So it got me thinking..what did i get out of my gap year and would i recommend it to other people? If i had the opportunity to go back and change anything would i and was it worth the hard work and saving it took to get there?
Well, i got a lot out of it! i realised my boyfriend was definately not the guy i thought he was, although that was more a realisation once we had returned home..luckily the 11 months we were away together was pretty amazing and mostly argument-free.
I met a lot of amazing people, some who i know i will be in contact with for a long time yet, and others i know i will never ever see again..but all of them made the experience better for me..influenced the way i saw other countries and people and the opinions i formed of them.
Seeing other countries and experiencing other cultures was fantastic, you learn a lot about yourself..what you value and how lucky you are compared to some people that you meet along the way. It humbles you a lot of the time, seeing some of the lifestyles and situations people have to cope with. And being lucky enough to belong to a society that has enabled me to travel on such a trip and spend my money on that kind of thing.
I got to do some fantastic activities, i swam with wild dolphins in NZ, climbed Sydney harbour bridge, saw ballet at the Opera House, climbed a glacier, did a skydive, went up the CN Tower, Saw a show on broadway, went up the 'Rocky' steps, saw the White House, Went to Angkor Wat the Cu Chi Tunnels saw some stunning scenery...I also got a wonderful sun tan!!!!! haha.
But..was it the BEST thing i ever did or the WORST?
I have returned to having no money, no proper job and no idea of what kind of job i even want, i was overweight, i recently became single, i was unhappy at being back in British weather. The novelty of seeing friends and family soon wore off although at first it was fantastic. I am unsettled because all i want to do is go travelling again..and i have no money to do that which is depressing, no job that pays well enough to save some..but because of the way i'm feeling i am not doing job applications justice and therefore am unlikely to find a well-paid job anytime soon.
PLUS there is that risk that if i do find a decent job that pays pretty well i'll get stuck in it because i like having money..and then the chances of going on another trip are pretty much 0!! It's almost like taking a step backwards..having to go right back to basics and think about where i'm heading all over again.
I know i know, i should be grateful i got to go..and i really really am! All i am saying is if people are considering going on a trip, no matter how short or long the trip may be then they should be prepared for all the bad feelings that happen when you have to come crashing back down to live in the real world! it is worth it for sure, but it takes much more strength and determination to pick yourself up and get stuck into 'normality' than it does to get on a plane with a prospect of 11 months away from home!
I have wanted to travel since i started 6th form, i always knew i would go eventually. I decided to get through Uni and everything first because i knew if i took a gap year before i would have struggled to focus on studying for 3 years. I am very glad i made that decision now...
Since i have got back, instead of settling that part of me that was restless..i have ignited the travel bug! I am desperate to go again...having met so many people who have recommended places to see i am dying to experience more!
The problem?? Well naturally the thing that prevents us doing whatever we want £££ and my lack of it! That and at SOME point i am going to have to think about starting a proper career and settling down and doin g something REALISTIC. I know i could go off and be a travel guide for some tour company if i really wanted to go off and see the world..but i want the best of both worlds..to live around my home comforts, family and friends and then travel for a few months here and there..rather than permanently be away from home!
So it got me thinking..what did i get out of my gap year and would i recommend it to other people? If i had the opportunity to go back and change anything would i and was it worth the hard work and saving it took to get there?
Well, i got a lot out of it! i realised my boyfriend was definately not the guy i thought he was, although that was more a realisation once we had returned home..luckily the 11 months we were away together was pretty amazing and mostly argument-free.
I met a lot of amazing people, some who i know i will be in contact with for a long time yet, and others i know i will never ever see again..but all of them made the experience better for me..influenced the way i saw other countries and people and the opinions i formed of them.
Seeing other countries and experiencing other cultures was fantastic, you learn a lot about yourself..what you value and how lucky you are compared to some people that you meet along the way. It humbles you a lot of the time, seeing some of the lifestyles and situations people have to cope with. And being lucky enough to belong to a society that has enabled me to travel on such a trip and spend my money on that kind of thing.
I got to do some fantastic activities, i swam with wild dolphins in NZ, climbed Sydney harbour bridge, saw ballet at the Opera House, climbed a glacier, did a skydive, went up the CN Tower, Saw a show on broadway, went up the 'Rocky' steps, saw the White House, Went to Angkor Wat the Cu Chi Tunnels saw some stunning scenery...I also got a wonderful sun tan!!!!! haha.
But..was it the BEST thing i ever did or the WORST?
I have returned to having no money, no proper job and no idea of what kind of job i even want, i was overweight, i recently became single, i was unhappy at being back in British weather. The novelty of seeing friends and family soon wore off although at first it was fantastic. I am unsettled because all i want to do is go travelling again..and i have no money to do that which is depressing, no job that pays well enough to save some..but because of the way i'm feeling i am not doing job applications justice and therefore am unlikely to find a well-paid job anytime soon.
PLUS there is that risk that if i do find a decent job that pays pretty well i'll get stuck in it because i like having money..and then the chances of going on another trip are pretty much 0!! It's almost like taking a step backwards..having to go right back to basics and think about where i'm heading all over again.
I know i know, i should be grateful i got to go..and i really really am! All i am saying is if people are considering going on a trip, no matter how short or long the trip may be then they should be prepared for all the bad feelings that happen when you have to come crashing back down to live in the real world! it is worth it for sure, but it takes much more strength and determination to pick yourself up and get stuck into 'normality' than it does to get on a plane with a prospect of 11 months away from home!
Thursday, 12 November 2009
sex with an ex? can you ever really be friends?
So after my latest relationship ended after 2 years, the first thing my ex said to me was that he didn't want to lose me as a friend. I have been 'best' friends with him for 7 years now..the last 2 were spent in a relationship..so part of me would like to think it is possible..and yet it got me thinking back to my other relationships..well the more serious ones anyway..and i just wonder if it is actually realistically possible to stay friends with an ex..i mean like..REALLY friends..truthfully, brutally honest and there for each other no matter what? hardly think the new girlfriend or boyfriend would like the idea?
Trying to work out if there is a reason you can't be friends with an ex is harder than just being friends or not being friends.In some cases i guess you just grow apart, i found that with my school age boyfriends..
- I guess growing up is a big part of it, you have different kinds of relationships as you get older, they are based on different things and mean more..they are more involved and serious..though i know at 15/16 romantic attachments seem like the only thing that matter.
Obviously the break-up is a big factor..if you part during a screaming row throwing things at each other and swearing, catch your other half in bed with someone else or something then obviously you won't be on 'friendly' terms! See but i didn't really have any break-ups like that..so technically i suppose it might not have anything to do with that at all. In fact at least a screaming break-up severs all ties neatly..no ambiguous feelings, awkward attempts to be nice and make polite chat which is kind of worse i guess, the ambiguity of a 'nice' break-up because then you have to face them and go over it all...the 'whys and what ifs'.
I also know for sure it has a lot to do with the boyfriend or girlfriend who follows you...even if you have an amicable split..which most of mine were..when the next person comes along..they aren't going to want an ex hanging around..someone who may or may not have been better in bed, a better cook, a better girlfriend. It is awkward.
It is DEFINATELY different for girls and boys, well in my experience anyway. Girls have a tendency to analyze everything, every action, conversation and more..whereas boys just switch off their emotions and move on. In my experience it is always the guy who moves on first..maybe because they aren't as emotionally expressive as girls and they can't face being alone..they just follow their sex organs to the next person and form new, completely separate emotional attachments..whereas i think girls go through all the emotion, and think about it even in their next relationship, use it as a guide with the next guy they meet etc etc.. basically prolonging the agony of the break-up even further.
No matter how friendly you were with someone before a relationship.. a problematic area i find myself in frequently..you never go back to that after a break-up. There will always be things you can't say anymore..you can't exactly sit there and discuss your latest bedroom antics..your relationship problems..as if you want to admit to your ex that life isn't peachy now you aren't with them anymore. You never want to let them think you miss them, or how much they hurt you, how good the sex was. You can't deny you always kind of want to get one over on your ex..be in the next relationship first, for it to last longer than theirs..to prove that you can cope without them. its about points scoring and anyone who says it isn't is lying!
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