So after my latest relationship ended after 2 years, the first thing my ex said to me was that he didn't want to lose me as a friend. I have been 'best' friends with him for 7 years now..the last 2 were spent in a relationship..so part of me would like to think it is possible..and yet it got me thinking back to my other relationships..well the more serious ones anyway..and i just wonder if it is actually realistically possible to stay friends with an ex..i mean like..REALLY friends..truthfully, brutally honest and there for each other no matter what? hardly think the new girlfriend or boyfriend would like the idea?
Trying to work out if there is a reason you can't be friends with an ex is harder than just being friends or not being friends.In some cases i guess you just grow apart, i found that with my school age boyfriends..
- I guess growing up is a big part of it, you have different kinds of relationships as you get older, they are based on different things and mean more..they are more involved and serious..though i know at 15/16 romantic attachments seem like the only thing that matter.
Obviously the break-up is a big factor..if you part during a screaming row throwing things at each other and swearing, catch your other half in bed with someone else or something then obviously you won't be on 'friendly' terms! See but i didn't really have any break-ups like that..so technically i suppose it might not have anything to do with that at all. In fact at least a screaming break-up severs all ties neatly..no ambiguous feelings, awkward attempts to be nice and make polite chat which is kind of worse i guess, the ambiguity of a 'nice' break-up because then you have to face them and go over it all...the 'whys and what ifs'.
I also know for sure it has a lot to do with the boyfriend or girlfriend who follows you...even if you have an amicable split..which most of mine were..when the next person comes along..they aren't going to want an ex hanging around..someone who may or may not have been better in bed, a better cook, a better girlfriend. It is awkward.
It is DEFINATELY different for girls and boys, well in my experience anyway. Girls have a tendency to analyze everything, every action, conversation and more..whereas boys just switch off their emotions and move on. In my experience it is always the guy who moves on first..maybe because they aren't as emotionally expressive as girls and they can't face being alone..they just follow their sex organs to the next person and form new, completely separate emotional attachments..whereas i think girls go through all the emotion, and think about it even in their next relationship, use it as a guide with the next guy they meet etc etc.. basically prolonging the agony of the break-up even further.
No matter how friendly you were with someone before a relationship.. a problematic area i find myself in frequently..you never go back to that after a break-up. There will always be things you can't say anymore..you can't exactly sit there and discuss your latest bedroom antics..your relationship problems..as if you want to admit to your ex that life isn't peachy now you aren't with them anymore. You never want to let them think you miss them, or how much they hurt you, how good the sex was. You can't deny you always kind of want to get one over on your ex..be in the next relationship first, for it to last longer than theirs..to prove that you can cope without them. its about points scoring and anyone who says it isn't is lying!
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