a blast from the past...

i found this in my inbox yesterday while i was having a clearout..i wondered why i had something so old in my emails but after reading it i remembered why i kept it! How innocent and carefree i was in those days..but i liked what i was writing!! So i decided to post it on here with a bit of a running commentary on what i was thinking at the time and what i think of it now..


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First things first, congratulations to everyone for making it this far.....only a few more weeks to go until adolescence is officially over and we have to shed those skins but come on people we can get through it - we've made it this far!
A-levels were just about over at this point, you know when you get that total down period where everyone is totally frazzled and trying to summon the energy for the last few exams before the deliciousness of freedom..? I was there and i was trying to inject some enthusiasm into the people who were members of our website...


It is like the end of an era....sad yes but hey we all get to begin new chapters in the autumn and how fantastic will that be. This is it...no one is there to tell you what to do. The choices are all left up to us. The next generation stepping out into the big wide world...this is the time where we make choices that affect our whole lives!!

Again, trying to ease the complete and utter fear that was gripping myself and im pretty sure a few others about leaving the comfort blanket of 7 years at the same school and moving away to go to uni..trying to put a positive spin on the whole growing up thing that i think most of us were more reluctant to accept than we'd care to admit at the time..everyone liked to pretend they were well ready to go to uni and live it up when evidently most people were shitting it!

Life is just one big chaotic mess of people, all trying to get to somewhere in the world. And there is so much in the world that we have no idea about, so now is our chance to go an experience it for ourselves instead of just reading about it or watching it on the TV.

At least i was awknowledging that we did live our lives based a lot on teenage dramas and television..how much real life experience can you actually get from school, part time jobs and exams? Aside from the self-discovery in terms of getting smashed and throwing up, forming your real friendships and maybe the odd 'serious' relationship...but still i think too immature to really appreciate most of it or understand ANY of it.


We have had 7 years at Terry - some have had less but still feels the same, and its too late to dwell on what you didn't do or say or who you didn't get to know as well as you wanted to....so lets stop worrying about all of those things and concentrate on all the good times and the happy memories that we will never forget. 'School days are the best days of your life'....cliché! But I can kinda see where that comes from. Ok so it’s not true for everyone but you can't say school hasn't shaped you and your life, bought new people and new interests into your life and given you life changing advice or experiences.

Personally I have loved it, yes there have been bad days, bad weeks, even bad months but that isn’t exclusive to school...you are bound to have bad spells no matter where you are or what you are doing-that’s life after all!

Always look on the briight side of life..seriously how happy was i trying to make everyone! But serioously..at the time i really did feel like i had had some of the worst times of my life. People can be so NASTY at school. Playground arguments and bitching and side-taking..and i honestly thought it was confined to school..pah try going to uni..its WORSE..!I had my fair share of enemies thats for sure, but then i can't go around being liked by everyone..even though i once thought i needed to be liked and get along with everyone..but where is the fun in that?! i had and still have a wonderful close group of friends and they have stuck with me through thick and thin..and people hating me hasnt destroyed me as i once probably thought it would..seriously why do we put all this PRESSURE on ourselves to try and get along with everyone? I mean..i still did it at uni..meandered along and hung out with people i wasn't even sure i liked just in case i rejected someone who could have turned out to be my best friend..but no..i can trust my judgement most of the time..



Being in Rosies on Thursday night was amazing, to think that almost an entire year could happily be in the same place all together enjoying our last proper few hours together kind of sums up how much people have grown up and how much i think everyone values the time we have had. Even if you don't particularly like someone...you can't deny its going to be weird not seeing the same faces everyday...a relief perhaps but still strange.
UUGH ROSIES..the club of choice between 16 and 18...by the time i was legally allowed to be in there i was so over the sticky floors and scummy toilets. But i still carried on going for a while..WHY!? Also..i was bullshitting about it being weird not seeing the same faces..i was FUCKING ECSTATIC that i wouldn't have to look at some of those people again..and unluckily i still DO because every so often people still go out in sutton..although not Rosies now..

Its amazing to look at the way friends have grown apart, or grown together and how all the groups have changed, but its almost better in that way because it makes so many more memories and more to the point gives everyone a unique collection of laughs, tears, fights, loves, stupid moments and happiness.

Anyone who knows me, knows how big i am on memories and their creation..and PHOTOS! whether good or bad they are all memories that provoke emotions and teach you something about yourself and those you surround yourself with..it makes me ME..and i like who i am right now so its ALL good.

Go out and meet new people... at work, at uni, at college...don’t forget any of the old crew but you can never have too many friends...no matter where you go and what you do or who you know, life is never going to get any easier, there will always be challenges, you are always going to have enemies, friends people you love, people u want to kill. But it’s all those people that get you where you want to go. Everyone you meet in life, including teachers and parents, will teach you something new or make you understand something you already thought you knew. But everything will affect the way you live your life afterwards and help you to become a better person. You can only learn from your own experiences but use other people to guide you in the right direction.

TRUE..but i thnk everyone who went to uni found it hard not to forget about people from home, maybe not indefinatelly forgetting about them, maybe just not thinking of them as often as you maybe should have. Personally i am very lucky because i met some amazing people at uni whom i still contact as regularly as my lifestyle allows which has taken effort but hasnt FELT like so much of an effort, but also i have still got my school 'group' even though we don't see each other as often as we used to..and sometimes its only one or two of us instead of the 9..but its KNOWING they are there..if i need them they will be there..thats true friendship! We drifted of course..and we have all changed..but somehow have managed to retain elements of what we had at school and connect the jigsaw of a brand new picture. Not saying it will be like that forever but i'd like to think for a good few years longer yet.

Anyone who finds their way into your heart at sometime is bound to make a lasting impression and hey.i don’t deny that. But some things just aren’t meant to be and some people are better without each other...to get where you want to go sometimes you have to get rid of the people that are holding you back or changing you from the person you are supposed to be. That can be really hard to admit but if people really love you they will let you go. If it’s meant to be you will find your way back to those people one day! When you are older and mature enough to deal with them

Having since then, broken off a 3 year relationship and another 2 year one..i agree..anyone who makes a mark on your heart changes your life..for better for worse..but change is good..moving forward not back..and people do change you if they touch your heart..because emotion makes everyone different. You feel different emotions for different kinds of people and that changes the way you feel about yourself and the way you want to act..but you will always find yourself inside there somewhere..and if you don't recognise yourself for a moment because of someone or something else..then just take some time to find you again..i guarantee it's in there just having a breather!
BUT not everyone who touches your heart is someone you love as a partner..one or two people i met at uni have touched me to the core..without realising it, i suppose i didn't even realise it until now when i'm thinking about it. But meeting someone..thrown together in random situations in halls or lectures...or both!..and then finding they understand you almost better than you understand yourself..telling them even the stupidest things you might sensor with other people, laughing at nothing, showing your raw and honest emotions and being able to do the same for them even when you live miles apart..doing stupid activities because you know they will laugh with you and not at you, being there for the good and the bad...and finding all that in someone you meet at like 19/20..its a very very very special thing! you know who you are!?

I just want to say that we can all be or do whatever we want to do. Everyone strives to be successful...the world is full of people who just want to make a difference in the world...whether it be a difference to themselves, their friends, closed communities or even the whole world. Everyone has ambition somewhere inside them and some people are able to act on this ambition more easily than others. But that doesn’t mean that they are the best people for the job...they just have the guts to go out and try. And shouldn’t everyone get the chance to really shine...I think that everyone deserves their own shot at success and happiness and we should all help each other along the way. We all have the freedom of speech. Freedom to say and think what we want. So get your voice heard!

not as easy as i was making out..success is measured on so many different levels and to some degree i suppose i have been successful..stil a hell of a way to go though!

Nothing is impossible…I have a few friends who have shown me that, through utter strength, and have really made it through some difficult stuff but are blatantly going to be amazingly successful in the not so distant future.

Still true, i was right..and now i have more friends who inspire me and make me happy!


So yeah, don’t really know what else to say…except work hard…you have the whole summer to play even harder but it’s now that matters if you ever want to fulfil everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing! So stash that cash and those bottles or cans and wait for results day when we can all really celebrate!!

Haha get me going all responsible..yeah right we all drank into oblivion!